The Part I Left Out

This is the part I left out. When I started my blog, I didn’t think I would ever be writing about motherhood – honestly, I wasn’t even sure what I would write about!  And while connecting motherhood to being a VA might seem confusing, it’s not. In my last post I shared my why, so I guess this is my how. This post is rawer and more emotional than my others and that's because it’s the part of my story that’s a little terrifying to share. But I believe in honesty, and I hope that if it doesn’t resonate with you, it might with someone you know! 

I love being a mom but it’s tough. Some days are really hard and the scary thing is, my daughter, she’s only 5! Most everyone can understand that parenting can be challenging - I don’t need to share those struggles. What I do want to share is why being a mom is tough, because it goes beyond.  

When you become a mom, you become a whole new person. The person you were before is not someone you can go back to being, at least not completely. I don’t mean to be dramatic but it's the honest truth – the one that no one tells you. Everyone talks about how being a mom is wonderful and it is -  I personally wouldn’t change a thing. But no one talks about the changes that happen, the shifts in friendships, the fact that you might not be able to return to the job you had.  

This was my experience. 

Before being a VA I worked with children who could no longer live with their parents for a whole slew of reasons. I heard some pretty horrible stories and I just knew that I would not be able to continue that work. I had literally no idea what I was going to do. I had been a travel agent, worked in human resources and human services and now had to start over.

Again.  

My husband was supportive - “don’t worry about it we will make it work, you don’t need to.” And I know wholeheartedly that he was trying to be supportive, but I wanted to work. I knew I loved being a mom, but I also knew I needed to do something for me. I was uncomfortable, lost, and was starting to feel really discouraged. I didn’t want to leave my daughter with strangers and not to mention how expensive childcare is! Was working even worth it to come home with almost nothing? The thing is, working for moms is not necessarily only about making money. It’s also about trying to hold onto a piece of you that existed before, before you were everything to someone else. I cannot say this is true for everyone and I am sure there are plenty of dads who feel the same, but in talking with other moms this seems to be a theme. 

The worst part? The “mom guilt” for even thinking about it, never mind saying it out loud! As if it makes us look like we love our kids less because we want to have our own identity. Truthfully, I don’t think it does. I actually think it makes us better.  

Reluctantly, I applied for a job booking corporate travel and they offered me the position. It was a great salary, but the shifts were so irregular, and it just was not feeling right. Terrified, I turned it down and once again started looking. I even tried selling Epicure. I loved cooking, couldn’t be that hard? Right away I knew it wasn’t for me. I am not a salesperson and I felt so gross reaching out to people to have parties in the middle of COVID.  

Being a VA basically fell into my lap. I sent my resume to a friend of a friend and I still remember the day that I got the call about the job. I was in Original Joe’s with my best friend. I let her know I may be getting a call about a job and she was excited for me. The call turned into a very long call and I felt horrible to leave my friend waiting. But as best friends do, she was understanding – see she loves being able to work too and she gets it. That was the day I realized that it was okay to want to work and still be a mom. I knew I wasn’t alone in wanting to still contribute – to my home and to the world. 

When I first started my VA journey, I really had no idea where it would take me but it sounded exciting and flexible and exactly what I was looking for. Over the last four years my journey has been ever evolving. I enjoy the variety that comes into my day with my clients and that I feel like I have a purpose. Is my work saving the world? No. But is it helping someone? Yes, and that’s what is important to me.  

What I love even more is that my daughter is seeing me do something that I am passionate about and I hope that it shows her that she absolutely can do what she is passionate about - because why shouldn’t she. She pretends to work beside me and says when she grows up she wants to be like me. I think it’s pretty cool. 

I consider myself incredibly lucky to work the way I do. It’s given me the opportunity to figure out who this new me is and how she fits into the world. Am I still figuring it out? Absolutely! There have been many moments of doubt, but I am working through it, learning and growing. I have worked hard to find a rhythm that works for me and my daughter. My journey continues and I can’t wait to see where it takes me.  

If you are struggling with “mom guilt” I get it. It’s tough - but it’s also okay, and completely normal. Someone once said, “We feel it because we care.” We want the best for our kids, but I also truly believe that when we are happy, our kids are happier.  

It was a huge shift for me to go from “I am losing time with my daughter” to “working doesn’t take me away from her - it helps create a better life for our family.” It doesn’t happen overnight, but it is possible. I’ve learned to be intentional with my time, and as I write this from my campsite -  enjoying summer in my hybrid office - I am grateful that I trusted myself to know that I can be a mom and enjoy working at the same time. I just needed to believe it was possible and figure out a way to make it happen. At the end of the day, I love my daughter and this life that I have been able to create that balances all of my priorities.  

If you’d like to have an honest chat about this topic let me know, I’d love to hear your story! Or if you’re looking to create more balance in your life, I’d love to connect to see how I can help!  

Let's Connect!